I think this is what it feels like to be unmoored from the structural stability of other people’s validation and attention. It’s some sort of scary unstable awareness that I am my own constitution and others aren’t there to reinforce it. This is what feeling the trueness of loneliness feels like. Freed of sadness revealing then what it really means.
It feels like I finally let the anchor out of my hands. The boat now free to roam about and move with the current. I have no control over it. This aimless drifting is destabilizing and raw. I am so small. Completely at its whims. But at least now I’ve let the anchor out of my hands. My body back arms can finally rest—no longer ache from the tension of trying to keep things from shifting. From revealing how all this really feels. Thankfully though, at least I’ve got a boat.